REALLY BIG SIGN

(really small arms)

(really high hair)

NYC is the No. 1 Terror Target

According to the news and car bombs in Times Square, we're the Number One terrorist target, but we New Yorkers continue to love it here. I hope my simple design sends a message. And washes well.

Purchase your own 
by clicking HERE

Attention Bombers!

Authorities tracked Times Square car bomb idiot Faisal Shahzad to a flight he was on, bound for Dubai. 

Flight attendant makes announcements ... Tray tables up. Electronic devices off. Seat belts fastened.

Here's skinny Faisal, sitting in his tiny coach seat, thinking, "I did it. Sorta. But, I didn't get caught! Ha ha. Nee ner nee ner nee nerrrr."

Plane starts to taxi onto the runway.

Faisal thinks, "Hmmm. What movie am I going to watch on this long flight? Something with Sandra Bullock, perhaps?"

The plane stops moving. It sits there. And sits there.

Captain announces that the flight will be returning to the gate.

Faisal, "Fuck. I really wanted to start watching that Sandra Bullock movie."

Plane pulls up to the gate and they sit there some more. 

Faisal gets an uncomfortable feeling in his lower abdomen.

The passenger next to Faisal turns to him and says, "Do you smell something funny?"

The hatch opens. 

Faisal adjusts ... for he has just shat himself.

Men in uniform storm the plane and remove Faisal. Passengers cheer.

Nee ner nee ner nee nerrrr.

Bombs on Broadway!

After the car bomb scare in Times Square early Saturday night, our fearless local leaders had a makeshift press conference, sponsored by Yahoo, which the New York Times captured in this colorful photograph ...

It was a magical evening. Although blind, Governor Paterson stared directly into the cameras. Never before photographed with her mouth shut, Council Speaker Christine Quinn kept a tight lip. Sporting a fancy crimson bow-tie from Bergdorf's, Mayor Bloomberg calmly assured us that "The Lion King" would indeed resume performances on the following day. Hakuna Matata.

Most Broadway shows were canceled, except for "The Addams Family," which has proven that even a bomb won't keep folks away from Broadway.

This late-breaking blog brought to you by naked baboons.

Multi Tasker

This young woman stops in middle of busy sidewalk in Times Square while pushing a large stroller while she's on her cell phone ... to light her cigarette. Then she takes out a map and crosses the street against the light and gives the cabbie (who almost hit her) the finger.
Good sitters are so hard to come by.

Slip 'em a Mickey

This must be the lamest Mickey Mouse ever. I mean, how often do you see a 6' mouse hugging little girls with his tongue hanging out? Very inappropriate.

Who's the Moron?

While crossing a busy intersection in Times Square, a taxi got caught "blocking the box" and had to go in reverse a bit to avoid blocking the oncoming traffic. This sudden reversal inconvenienced me and the woman walking near me ever so slightly. But, the woman decided to let the driver know how she felt by screaming into his window as she passed it,

"Moron! It's no wonder you drive a taxi for a living!"

She looked at me for approval, to which I replied,

"My brother was a taxi driver. But, then he got killed."

She looked confused, ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. Just like she hoped the taxi driver would after her rant.

I sure do miss that brother I never had.