The Wonderful Oprah of Oz

BIG NEWS!

John Travolta is piloting the plane that's forcing Oprah's audience to go to Australia. The jet will be taking off directly from the Oprah stage. Steadman and Dr. Oz will be serving cocktails and providing safety instructions. Ms. Winfrey and her lover Gayle King will be on a separate flight piloted by Crocodile Dundee and Tyler Perry.

G'day, mate!

Precious is Precious!

The new movie "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire" not only has a wonderfully detailed and informative title (yes, that is the official title), but it is also presented by the legendary film and broadway producer Oprah Winfrey and the amazingly talented chameleon, Tyler Perry -- best known for his "Big Mamma's House" movies.
Perry gained 500 pounds for the role to completely transform himself into the sexually and emotionally abused, pregnant Precious -- who is sure to steal our hearts. 
Happy Holidays one and all ... and here's to Oprah and Tyler on all of their hard work!

Tyler Perry (above as himself and below as misunderstood Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire)

Oprah's Rejects

First Oprah takes over every media outlet there is, plastering doctored pictures of her chubby self on the cover of every issue of her shiny magazines.
Then she has these larger-than-life-personality doctors on her show who excite her female audiences into a medical frenzy as they dispense advice. 
Then she dumps their fugly mugs on us, by giving them their own TV shows.

I say "Oprah! Keep your creepy, blathering, drawling Dr. Phil and that pan-faced, scrub-wearing Dr. Oz to yourself. I have my own damn creepy doctors. Thank you."

Rocked?

On the hit NBC show "30 Rock", most of the main characters are played by well-known actors. Occasionally, there are guest stars on the show like Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Broderick, Nathan Lane and Carrie Fisher. These guests play new characters, not themselves. They are never confused with their real life doppelgangers.

But at other times, the guest star celebrities play themselves: Whoopi Goldberg, Conan O'Brien, Oprah, and even Mayor Bloomberg. They are viewed by the characters on the show as their real-life selves.

This confuses me.

Why don't the characters who work at the very real 30 Rockefeller Center on "TGS with Tracy Jordan" know that they are competing with a very famous sketch show called "Saturday Night Live", which is taped in the same real building? 

Why do the characters recognize Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld when he shows up on the set, but they don't recognize Selma Hayek as Selma Hayek when she shows up?

How can Rachel Dratch (who was on SNL) play several different characters on 30 Rock, but no one on "TGS with Tracy Jordan" recognizes her as the character she played the week before or as "that funny dwarf-gal from SNL?" Nor do they recognize the actor playing Tracy Jordan as Tracy Morgan, whose name sounds an awful lot like the actor who was on SNL?

It's like in horror movies. After the buxom blonde takes a shower in a creepy hotel and hears a strange noise in the closet, she cautiously approaches it -- as if she's never seen a horror movie before. "No! Don't go into that closet! The killer is in there!"

Doesn't matter. Characters in TV shows and movies don't have TV's or watch movies.

And that's a little confusing.