Gone Fishin'

Yeah, unless they fake another moon landing this week, or Justin Bieber marries Tyler Perry, I'm taking some time off from the blog. I know, I know ... this is going to be very difficult for my 12 cherished followers. It will be a challenge for me not to share my brilliant observations. Call me stingy.

In the meantime, enjoy the humid, oppressive weather. Summer comes but once a year.

Snap On a Smile!

Bad teeth? Simply snap on new some ones! Yes, this new company, Snap on Smile offers teeth that just click into your mouth.

before after cheaper

Kristin Celebrates Gay Pride!

Ms. Chenoweth shows the world how much she supports the gays ... and her flexibility, on Live with Regis & Kelly.

You go girl!

Death Burger

New from the friendly folks at Friendly's ...

... a beef burger sandwiched between two grilled cheese sandwiches. Comes with "salad."

Going Bananas

Facebook requested me to join the Dole Bananas page, luring me with fascinating topics like:

"Peel from the stem down, or the bottom up?"

"Brown spots on the banana - eat or stay away?"

"Bananas and peanut butter combo is delish."

The timing was perfect as I didn't even know you had to peel them, I only ate the brown or green ones, and I never heard of peanut butter. Now I know what all the monkeys have been raving about and my banana party will be a big smash.

Casting Tony

Who will play BP Idiot Tony Hayward in the inevitable TV movie about the disaster?

The Original Tony

Andy Serkis

Michael Sheen

Charlie Sheen

Rachael Ray Causes Seizures

Rachael Ray has a popular morning show which airs right after Good Morning America. Her node-damaged voice often pierces the air as I work in the next room. I simply cannot bear it. I just realized it's because I'm not: 

A) Retarded

B) Hard of hearing

3) A 2-year old 

This is indeed odd, since I adore Pee Wee Herman's show.

Lea Michele is POSSESSED

Crazy Zeta-Jones!

Send in the clowns ...

... don't bother, she's here.

TONY! TONY! TONY!

I'm sure the parents of the junior high school student who clearly designed the official 2010 Tony™ Awards poster are proud of their budding artiste. A tip of the hat to the ever-progressive Tony™ Award team ... boring Americans since 1947.

GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

Facebook recently recommended I become friends 

with over 50 people. All females.

Maybe it's time to rethink this whole "gay" thing.

Nah.

What Not To Wear

Seriously. I will cut you if you wear this dumb ass sandal.

K-Hole

They go together like

Meals & Air Conditioners.

Pickle This

I, for one, will ONLY eat organic pickles. 

Especially at these affordable prices.

South for the Winter?

"Enjoy the Hudson River, little goslings ...

we ain't goin' to Florida this winter. Too greasy."

Taxing Taxing

It always confounds me when someone talks about how much (or how little) they are making on a job or gig. Especially disturbing is when they say, "Well, after taxes, it's only $X.XX." 
Here's a tip for you folks:
A) We can do the math ourselves, since we all get taxed in this fine country called America.
2) This tax business isn't a new thing. Taxes have been around since forever. 

Ed - Hardly

Little do the Crackers, Thugs and Morons who sport Ed Hardy's garish, tattoo-inspired clothing know that Ed Hardy hand sanitizer doesn't work on STD's.

New Logo for BP Revealed

Overheard ...

"You know the movie. The one with Sean Penn?"
"Who's that?"
"You know, he was in that movie that won an Academy Award last year? The one with the name of a dairy product. He was gay in it."
"I don't know it."
"Oh well. I heard it was good, anyways."

McPoisoned ... in 3D!

http://current.com/news/92470522_cadmiun-in-shrek-glasses-at-mcdonalds.htm
You thought the latest SHREK movie was bad? Try drinking out of the McDonalds promotional glasses and get Cadmium poisoning to go along with it! 

The Horse Ticketer

Yup. See the ticket on the windshield? 

Horse put it there. 

And then left a load on the road.

Fare Increase!

FROM: Management
Due to the sudden surge in traffic, as of today, there will be a 20% increase on all coat-tail riding fees. This applies to intentional and non-intentional coattail riders, some of whom have not filled out their paperwork. As always, please fasten your safety belt.

All the Same

Christmas morning! That's what it looked like in the lobby of my building this Memorial Day weekend. Flat screen TV's. Swanky mid-century furniture. Art in frames. I stop to chat with the little Asian gal keeping watch on the goods.
"Love that print," I said.
"Got it in Soho. Some artist," the friendly woman replied.
"Goes great with that green chair," I responded.
"Thanks so much," she said.
"Well, welcome to the building. My name is Peter; apartment 8F, if you need anything."
She paused.
"We're moving out."
"Oh," I whimpered. "How long have you lived here?"
"Four years. I gotta get this stuff out to the moving van. Nice to meet you."


Next day, the lobby is once again full of furniture and boxes. Asian gal steps off the elevator to load her stuff onto it.
"Moving in?" I cautiously ask.
"Yes; picked a good weekend for it," she replies.
"Well, welcome to the building ... "

Single's Dance

"Let us in! Let us in!"