Tyler Perry's New Movie!

Gayle King and Gabourey Sidibe present Tyler Perry's

Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too?

the sequel to Tyler Perry's movie

Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?

based on Tyler Perry's play 

Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?

Starring 
Tyler Perry 
and
 Michael Jackson's Sister

and also 
Lousie Gossett Jr.

Opens Friday, April 2

RAVAGED!

Get Your Tickets!

I don't drive here in NYC. Nor do I ski.
But I suppose if I had a car, I wouldn't leave the traffic violation ticket on the windshield for weeks after I got it.
And if I did hit the slopes, I wouldn't keep my ski lift tags pinned to my North Face jacket for weeks after I left the resort.
Just sayin'.

Art vs. Commerce

Rickshaw from Hell

Easier than pukin' in a taxi.

Spring Reading Assignments!

For the Boys:

For the Girls:

Roadkill

"Where there's a carcass, there will be vultures."

-- Malayan Proverb

Fortunately, vultures aren't any good at picking a bicycle lock.

Pardon for Expression

Won't pardon for your grammar.

Bounced Spell Check

My building was noisy. So, I went to the NY Public Library to enjoy some peace and quiet and get my work done. As I pounded away on my computer in the North Hall, a security guard tapped my shoulder and handed me this note:

Now, it didn't surprise me that the NY Public Library had misspelled a word.
What bothered me was that I had to move to the South Hall, because the North Hall is designated as a "Quiet Zone." And since I was wearing headphones -- noise canceling head phones -- to cancel out the noisy library sounds, I had to move to a room that allowed headphones! 
Once I gathered my stuff and moved to the other hall, I lost my train of thought on my brilliant writing, and I couldn't get back on track because of the tourists being led thru the library by a guide, like elephants on parade. 

"Oh, look Marvin! There's a real live New Yorker trying to work! Let's get a picture with him!"

Bath Boss

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bubble isn't in the tub right now. He's at a meeting. Would you like to leave a message?"

Albino Dreamgirls!

The Albino Dreamgirls are #1 in the charts this week!

The Bald Spice Girls are back at the bottom of the charts.

Happy Anniversary Operation New Name!

The news is touting the seventh anniversary of the Iraq War, recently re-named Operation New Dawn from the previous title, Operation Iraqi Freedom. They wanted to use The Empire Strikes Back, but the name was taken.
You know the war. It's the one that's claimed the lives of 4,500 American soldiers. The one responsible for the violent deaths over 100,000 Iraqi civilians and military personnel. That dawning war.
After seven years, it's no longer a war or an operation. It's a lifestyle.

Oh, Zooey

Zooey Deschanel is doing commercials for cotton. She is seen singing some folksy song and whirling and twirling in her lightweight clothing.
I ask -- Do we really need commercials for cotton?
What's next? Commercials for tap water?
Click the link below to experience the magic of natural fabrics:
Zooey Sings & Wears Cotton!

Mouth Meet Soap

A chill ran thru my bones today as I walked through sunny Times Square, when a guy behind me yelled, "Faggot! Yo faggot!"
I was immediately transported back to the torturing halls of my junior high school until I heard the response, "Yo nigga!" Niggaaaaa!" coming from a dude a few yards ahead of me.
Judging by the complicated way they shook hands, I can tell you that neither of these crackers were gay or black.

Home Sweet Kmart

No. Really. Make yourself at home. Nap. Read. Whatever. 

Product Placement

I wonder if the parents of this little happy girl they feature on their packaging named her after they started their frozen dinner company?

Or did they decided to create a company because they had a daughter who's name rhymed with a pasta dish?
And if they had a son, would they create a product called Andy Antipasti, Tommy Tortelloni, or Tony Rigatoni and slap his little smiling mug on the package, assuring the little darlin' years of embarrassment and teasing?

Porn Lily

I was inspired by the flower next to my bed ... and Spring. Enjoy the porn, if you DARE, by clicking this ...
Porn Lily

One Thing or Another

A store near the Empire State Building has this sign in the window ...

And they won't close until every last Thing is sold!

Print is Dead

Tool

Quite often, people don't know how to get information about something. 
Directions. Maps. Who was in what movie. Presidential contenders, etc.
Well, I found this amazing thing called Google. 
It is so cool and gets you all the info you could ever want in very little time just by typing in the words that you are not familiar with. It's like a library that you can talk loudly or play music or eat a sandwich in!
Google - a world of wonderful information

Broadway NEWS!

I directed this news piece. Take a look. It's funny!

Margo Hears A Little Night Music

Todays Household Tip

The mirrors will not get sparkly clean if you spray them with the  tub and tile cleaner that comes in the exact same packaging. 
Even if you use newspaper instead of paper towel.

Picture This

I took a picture of this collection of oddities I came upon in the Gallery district of Chelsea.
The box you see is a game called "How to Host Your Own Murder Party."

I still can't make any sense of it. But I know I won't be parking there.

Today's Proverb

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. 
Teach a man to fish and he says, "Ewww ... worms."

Cocoa Bean

I woke up at 4 AM craving a sip of sweet chocolate soy milk. So, I grabbed the container out of the fridge, poured a cold glass, and gulped it down ...

      

... until I realized I was actually drinking a cold glass of spicy black bean soup.

At least it was organic.

Muppet Oscar Noms

Who will receive the coveted Oscar?

AVATAR

THE BLINDSIDE

DISTRICT 9 

PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL 'PUSH' BY SAPPHIRE 

THE HURT LOCKER 

AN EDUCATION

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS

A SERIOUS MAN

UP

UP IN THE AIR

MAY THE BEST MUPPET WIN!

Flip Your Lid

Best. Lid. Ever.

History Repeating

The band Green Day has a musical! 

Another show with smoke and fire escape settings featuring disillusioned young people in rags and plaids wailing at the audience while pumping their fists in the air and standing in solidarity with legs apart and feet firmly planted except for that one heel that pumps to the angry beat.

Come What May

Hence, an individual "may" jump the turnstile.

Really good warning, MTA.

Today's Memo

Attention all commercial and sitcom writers ...
I hereby put a moratorium on the use of the following phrases:
"That's just wrong" and "Little help here?"

Quote Unquote

If you're going to use the inspirational quote of a famous philosopher, bible contributor, or celebrity on your Facebook status, please do me the favor of using quotes at the beginning of the phrase so I'll know that I don't have to actually read it.
"Thanks" - Peter Michael Marino