Oprah's Rejects

First Oprah takes over every media outlet there is, plastering doctored pictures of her chubby self on the cover of every issue of her shiny magazines.
Then she has these larger-than-life-personality doctors on her show who excite her female audiences into a medical frenzy as they dispense advice. 
Then she dumps their fugly mugs on us, by giving them their own TV shows.

I say "Oprah! Keep your creepy, blathering, drawling Dr. Phil and that pan-faced, scrub-wearing Dr. Oz to yourself. I have my own damn creepy doctors. Thank you."

Queer Signs

This is a gay bar in the West Village

This is their dress code 

This is a lesbian bar in the West Village

This is their dress code

You do the math.

Faster Food

And here's the bad news at McDonald's

Luckily, I just stopped in for 10-minute pee.

Authority Issues

When I was a kid, I looked up to cops. After all, they had walkie talkies, they wore uniforms, and they made sure that the bad guys stayed off the mean streets of Queens where I lived.
Nowadays, I look down on most cops. Many are overweight and make me question whether they could run after a crook without having a heart attack. 
I see them smoking while on duty (which no child should ever see). Again, could a cop who smokes chase down a drug dealer?
I see them spitting on the sidewalk (which should be illegal anyway) and I see them texting on their cell phones while on duty.
Maybe they always spat. Perhaps they always smoked. Maybe there were always fat ones.
I just wish that authority figures were more like the nuns I had in Catholic School. 
They could take down a bank robber with a cold, hard stare.

Take it to the Mat

I'm on my cell phone, walking past Whole Foods, and this guy is hawking some Yoga Center. You know, "Take this flyer and save 10% on your next Bikram sweat-fest."
The guy catches my eye, and says, "You do Yoga? Save 10%, dude!"
And I say, "Sorry, I am on the phone here."
And he says, "I'm just givin' you a flyer, man."
And I say, "Yeah, but you are also shouting at me, while I'm on a call."
He says, shoving the flyer at me, "Just take one! C'mon!"


Now, am I really going to support a Yoga institution that has employees who bombard you with information when you are having a very important cell phone chat about where you are going to go out for Happy Hour that night? I don't think so.

Tiny Town

This couple was on the corner of Lafayette and Spring, inspecting a map and looking confused. I asked them if they needed help.
The guy asks, in a thick French accent, "We are looooking for ze littel town of China."
After a moment of realization, I pointed in the direction of Chinatown, and giggled all the way home. 
I hope they find the Little Town of Italy as well.

Time Warp

Alot of people use the phrase "... at this point and time."

I also hear "... at this point in time."

I don't like either, since "at this point" gets right to the point.

At least, that's how I feel at this point in time. 

But, not at this point and time.

Signs all Around

While traveling on the Airtrain, I was not surprised to see that smoking is not permitted ... but, neither is consuming burgers and shakes.





So, I assume it's OK to eat chicken and drink coffee while commuting to the airport?

Those Crazy Kids

Today, while driving in Buffalo, I passed a college with a sign outside that read:


"Welcome Freshman Parents!"


It must be so challenging to be a freshman and a parent these days.

Gallantry is Dead

Today, I saw a long-leggy blonde in a little black mini making her sexy way down my street. As she approached three young men leaning against a brick wall, I knew what was coming ...
"Hey babe. You lookin' goooood!"
"I'd like summa that."
"Fine, fine, damn your fine, girl. C'mere a minute."


She kept strutting in her 5" heels, without looking back. Sauntering past her, I muttered, "I apologize -- on behalf of all the decent males in the city."


Without even looking at me, she purrs, "Get it all time. Don't mind. Ciao."


So much for my gallant effort. 

Choices

Hmmm ... what to buy? DVD's, VIDEOS, PEEP SHOWS ... 

or LINGERIES? 

This store has it all.