The Clapper

At a recent, decent, Broadway musical, my friends chided me for only clapping once after a particularly dull number. I literally clapped once (CLAP). Heck, I already paid and showed up. Now the "work" was up to the actors. They told me that it was sorta weird and rude to only give one clap. Really?
We weren't being video or audio taped. We weren't within the performers' view. We didn't know anyone in the show. Since when did clapping become mandatory?
Clapping is overrated. 
During the monologues of late night talk show hosts, clapping has replaced laughing. On morning talk shows, someone says "We've been married for 5 years", and the audience claps in congratulatory recognition. During a daytime game show, when someone is smarter than a 5th grader, the audience claps wildly for their fortune.
I clapped for 5 years in STOMP and got paid for it. I think I can safely clap as little or as much as I want to.
Note: I was forced to stand at the end of the show during the curtain call. But, I used it as an excuse to put on my winter coat and fix my wrinkled dress.

Funky Loo

Mirror Ball not included

Tall Tubbie

"Why does everyone ignore me?"

Haiti Night Fever

Citizens of the world -- John Travolta has come to the rescue of earthquake-ravaged Haiti!

From the news tonight: 

"Actor uses own jet to bring relief supplies, doctors and Scientology ministers."

I knew those aliens would come in handy for something other than creating pyramids and cats.

I Do Math

"Avatar", with its $14 tickets, is being touted as the biggest money making film of all time, sinking the record previously held by "Titanic" ... which came out when ticket prices were $4.50. 
Get it?

Fondant Overload

Many TV shows about cake:
Cake Boss
Amazing Wedding Cakes
Ace of Cakes
Wedding Cake Wars
Ultimate Cake Off
Cake Divas
Last Cake Standing


No TV shows about cookies.

Overheard ...

At a reading of the new musical "The Nutty Professor", this old gold-ring-wearing guy is talking to Marvin Hamlisch, and at the end of the conversation he finishes with: "Oh, and Marvin, Michelle Lee says hi."

Marvin walks away, throwing over his shoulder, "Oh, I love Michelle Lee."
And I love old Hollywood in New York.

Trees & Bees

For months I enjoyed the strange and unusually woodsy flavor of some dark amber honey that I was given during the holidays. I put it in my tea, on my oatmeal, and even right out of the belly of the familiar plastic bear it came in. 
Savoring its unique aroma, color and flavor, I wondered, "Where is this luscious honey from? Africa? Southeast Asia? No. It says on the label on belly of the bear: BearFest." I had to get some more! I had to find out about this Fest of Bears.
I inquired from the gift-giver about the delectable treat so I could stock up on it and make all sorts of fancy honey-based treats ... honey ham, honey mustard dressing, honey baked beans. Oh, the list of possibilities was endless.
Only ... I soon learned ... that it wasn't honey at all! 


It was maple syrup. Maple syrup posing as honey in a little plastic honey-bear container.


I ask, could you tell the difference?

Cold 'Za

This Italian joint called Mozzarelli's on 23rd & Park has Gluten Free pizza, and my agent is close by, so I eat there once a week.
Yesterday, I had a hankering for some of their awesome Artichoke pizza, so I stopped in for a quick bite. 
"I'll take a slice of the Gluten Free Artichoke, please. No need to heat it up. Just pop it on a plate and I'll eat it here", I said.
"Are you sure?", said the co-owner.
"Yup, just throw it on a plate. Looks great!"
"You don't want it cold."
"Well, I kinda do, actually."
"Nah. Lemme put it in the oven just for a minute ... "
"But, you really don't have to, I just ..."
"No. It tastes better warm," he said putting the $5.00 slice in the oven. "The crust gets crispier in the oven."
I wasn't happy. "If you insist. But, I was really in the mood for a slice of cold pizza."
He says, "Yeah, we tried to sell slices of cold pizza a while back, but no one wanted them."
"Not even college kids with hangovers?", I asked.
"Huh? What? No. It didn't sell."
"Well, I was just really in the mood for cold pizza and kind of in a rush", I lied.
The pizza came out of the oven all bubbly and toasty.
"Enjoy", said the proud co-owner.
"I will." And I did.
After I let it sit for 5 minutes to get cold.

Limp

Lady Liberty and her brother, Brady Liberty, have resorted to handing out tax preparation pamphlets on 8th Avenue.
Hey, now! Turn that crown upside-down!