A Tourist Line

Big news on the Great White Way: 

No more General Admission!

Starting today, when you purchase a ticket to a Broadway show, you will be assigned an actual seat of your choice. That's right! You no longer need to line up all the way down the block outside the theater for an hour before the show, only to scuffle and search for the best seat in the house. Simply present your pre-paid ticket at the theater, and your pre-assigned seat will be waiting for you. 
It's like magic - but real! 
      
Benefits include:

• No more fights 
• You sit where you chose to sit 
• Less standing = Less knee pain

Spend that newfound spare time walking around and spending your money in our fair-priced city. Your purchases help keep city schools and homeless shelters alive. And, the exercise will help burn off those stubborn calories from your deep-fried meal at TGI Fridays. Plus, you'll have more time to stop in the middle of the sidewalk outside of Red Lobster to take photos, which you can then share with your homebound friends and family in a computer-generated holiday newsletter.
They don't call it the greatest city in the world for nuthin'!